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to j, i really hope one day i could be with you weather the worst or bad i am still struck with this day by day i am rotting and even when i am gone i will still always remember you in my brain, my heart , my soul every single moment. i think i am a real coward for not being ballsy to come out towards to you and start the conversation but really i always wanted to but i am just shy as a person , a very timid guy. so i hope you could read this words i tried to say to you when i am gone i will be gone with regrets which this is my biggest regrets i always really to make a move but i can't, speaking in the bottom of my heart i really wanna just do it but sadly i can't, so pleases even if i am gone remember this i will always be on your side weather the end or start i will always be there even you tried to ignore me i will still stay behind and look after you i will never ever let you be hurt or sad my heart will be hurting more and more . but one day i really hope to be togethe so if you ever see this which means i am gone, and its the biggest regret of my life for not being together with you i really hope i can which i meant it bottom of my heart............. , nicholas