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Damn I am in a mess right now my head just can't stop spinning 360 and keep thinking about her, I really don't know what I am going to do next, I just felt that I got cockblocked by my friend real fucking bad I am just in a freaking mess in my head. To Be honest frankly speaking I think he likes the girl I like tOo in my opinion its just feel so painful to be the one that not talking to her that close but instead of him but I acknowledge that MY LIFE HAVE BEEN SO BAD IN THE PAST 19 YEARS TTHE AMMOUNT OF COUNTLESS OF SHIT THAT I DID I TRUTHLY REGRET EVERY THING I DID IN THE PAST WHICH I ENDED UP HERE. I TRUTHFULLY LIKE HER I REALLY HOPE YOU KNOW I COULD BE THE ONE TO TALK HER BUT THIS LIKE IS JUST BLINDLY WAY TOO BLINDLY FRIENDS THAT ARE REAL ASSHOLE SPREADED THE RUMOURS. MY SITUATION IS WAY TOO FUCK UP AND I FELT REALLY PISSED AND BAD ABOUT IT. I REALLY HOPE AND KNOW WHAT CAN I DO NEXT I AM REALLY PISSED WITH THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW ITS ALL STARTED NORMALLY AFTERALL WHY IT JUST GOTTA FUCKING TO GO DOWN THIS WAY I JUST FEEL THIS IS JUST TOO STUPID SO BASICALLY I MA GONNA LOSE THIS WAR SO BADLY RIGHT NOW IF I DONT DO ANYTHING BUT EVEN IF I DO WHAT CAN I DO LIKE SERIOUSLY I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT CAN I DO BUT REALLY HOPE SOMEONE CAN TELL ME SO. SO BASICALLY IF TTTHIS CARRY ON I CAN CARRY ON EATING SHIT EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I DO NOT REALLY WANNA JUMP INTO CONCLUSION THAT EARLY IF ONE DAY IT REALLY HAPPENS WHAT WOULD YOU DO ? HMM..... I WOULD JUST WISH THEM BOTH GOOD LUCK BUT I REALLY DON'T WANT IT TO TURN OUT THIS WAY. AHH FUCK THIS I AM OUT... IF I REALLY LEAVE MY LIFE FIRST I REALLY HOPEFULLY I WILL LOOK AFTER HER AS HER GUARDIAN ANGEL NO DOUBTS GIVING HER ALL THE BLESSING I CAN GIVE BUT TTBH I JUST JUMPING TOO MUCH ON CONCLUSION I DON'T REALLY KNOW MY FRIEND IS HELPING ME OR NOT, OR HE JUST HELPING HIMSELF OUT I JUST REALLY DAMN PISSED BUT I DONT HATE MY ENEMY FRIENDS ARE STILL FRIENDS EVER SINCE PRIMARY SCHOOL I DID'T LET A SINGLE OF MY FRIENDS DOWN I REALLY TOO LOYAL TO TTHOSE PEOPLE BUT THIS IS HOW TTHEY GAVE BACK I AM REALLY TOO ANGRY BUT I TRYING NOT TO BE AT IT I KNOW IT WILL JUST PULLED MY MOOD DOWN OR ITS JUST TOO BAD BUT NEVERTHELESS I CANT HELP IT ANYWAYS. ONE MANS CAN'T CONTROL THE WILL OF RESTT OF PEOPLE BUT HE ONLY COULD LEAD SO THIS MY END OFF THE SPEECH IF I REALLY GOES TO THE ANOTHER WORLD I REALLY HOPE YOU COULD SEE THIS I REALLY REGRETTED NOT TALKING TO YOU AND PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THIS STUPID RUMOURS THIS IS JUST WAY TOO BLINDLY TOO BLINDLY I AM REALLY FELTT SO BAD ABOUTT IT BUTT REST ASSURE IT WILL BE ALRIGHT AND I HOPE I WILL ABLE TO TALK , LIVE WITH YOU ONE DAY MAYBE IT WOULD NOT BE NOW OR TTHE FUTURE I AM JUST HOPPING BUT MY HOPE WILL BE AT 0% BECAUSE I WOULD KNOW ITTT PROBABLY WONT BE HAPPENING BUT LETS SEE HOW ITS GOES. I WILL JUSTT HAVE TTO TAKE INITTAIVE CAUSE ITS JUSTT HOW THE WAYS ITS WORKS.

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to j, i really hope one day i could be with you weather the worst or bad i am still struck with this day by day i am rotting and even when i am gone i will still always remember you in my brain, my heart , my soul every single moment. i think i am a real coward for not being ballsy to come out towards to you and start the conversation but really i always wanted to but i am just shy as a person , a very timid guy. so i hope you could read this words i tried to say to you when i am gone i will be gone with regrets which this is my biggest regrets i always really to make a move but i can't, speaking in the bottom of my heart i really wanna just do it but sadly i can't, so pleases even if i am gone remember this i will always be on your side weather the end or start i will always be there even you tried to ignore me i will still stay behind and look after you i will never ever let you be hurt or sad my heart will be hurting more and more . but one day i really hope to be togethe so if you ever see this which means i am gone, and its the biggest regret of my life for not being together with you i really hope i can which i meant it bottom of my heart............. , nicholas

What are you seeking?

you must first master your own, Are you ready to begin? Take your pain, take the fact you started with this , you take this pain, you recite your pain, you take your pain to push you into another level. The training is not everything, the training is your will to act. Is not who i am underneath but it's what i do that defines me. you think darkness is your ally, i was born with it molded by it , i did not see the light until i am an adult , shadow betrayed you because you belong to me. so you want to get a degree? No one care who i was until i put on my mask, it doesn't matter who we are it matters is our plan. does it depress you? it just show how alone you really are. i know the truth there's no going back, don't talk like on of them, i need you right now when i don't i cast you out. It serious weather you win or lose, it is a serious matter , matter of income is serious, are you serious? WHY? we come with a serious matter but i want you to come with a serious tone, so i want to make this best year every for the restoration to represent. willing to make studies willing to make the education make the impact of people, but the motivation to this going is 'success' money is not evil by itself, butt what is evil you may ask, evil is obsess with compulsive of some part of gold with doesn't access, evil is trying to buy happiness with all those of fake emotion and mirages are gone imagine having it all, all the money is gone what you have ? now you no more means to acquire all . who are you now? you might lose your friends, family Why? because of you wanted more, I am saying having a greater purpose in life. does it depress or sad you? you transform damages relationship to transform a new one , you can replace your priority in life. people , when you show up late, when you are out of shape and your job require to be in shape , When you giving people attitude because they are giving your attitude, Your pride and your ego had compromise your attitude, introduce a little anarchy, upset an establish order and everything becomes chaos, How many people out there live out there like yours? You plan this ! and now you inside your own prison of your security. Chaos is what you need ! stop running ! and you lived same life every day in 65 years and you live a life that you live for nothing in a live. i am a agent of chaos because chaos is what you need ! I enjoy dynamite , gun powder and gasoline . they are cheap , i am only burning my half , all you care is about money this class deserve a better criminal , And we will see what a hungry dog you will be its not about money its about the massage everything burns ! i have only one question ! i don't wanna kill no no no you complete me , Perhaps why would someone will shoot a man before someone can throw out of the plane. i was gonna become world class but not pretty good at it you say what drives me it drives me today. i dreamed a dream that other people say's it's impossible, What i had to do i have to take on some of my own advice, you doing something that you are not comprising about. Don't let people get you down , what do they know? go with your gut feelings! You gotta have a plan, everybody got a dream , goal but you gotta have a plan , get ready a lot of rejection do the things what you do but get ready for a lot of rejections. if things does not goes right for you, you have to keep going i think sometimes is different between success and failing between people that can move forward. if somebody say's no, you say that just a beginning Don't allow anyone to tell you what you dreaming about for your family is impossible, anything is possible all you have to do is to plant a seed on the ground and work towards it. If you don't do it nothing is possible but you try to do it at least you have a hope! 3rd failure in a row, do you think you cant accomplished it? No Never i will never give up! i challenge all of us to say stop finding reason and excuses , you gotta just focus on one thing to put all your energy if you can see it here and if you have a courage to do it, it will happen! Days gone , and retired with gold lock. is it giving you what you want , what brought you here? where are you going? where can you get out of this place you might want to go back and say I want do this ! What does that do? it begins to change in your believe system. There's winner and loser , there's people that not decided on how to win, you might not have the resources, but what is the something that gives us moving , Champions have a dream cause his whole things starts, the dream is critical because it where it starts, the dream create the ignition process , the dream establish the forest and it headed where you are going ! If it was easy everybody gonna be doing it, but i think the thing is never give up , if you want it bad enough you will never give up!!! Was made up of people not smarter than you, but you can build things that other people can used but if you do that you will changed ! Make sure you are focus on something you are passion about, if you don't like it your life is too short, if you liked it you will keep doing it even your work ends If i fail , am i gonna regret that i am trying to fail but i also knew i also will always regret that. Take risk do something bold when you are young , don't wait do something when you're old What choices will you make will inertia be your guide or your passion, will you follow dogma or you will be original , Will you chose a life of ease or a life of service and adventure , will you wilt under criticism or will you follow your conviction , when it's tough .. will you give up or will you be relentless, will you be a cynic or will you be a builder. in the end , We are our choices. Where is the wealthiness in the world , its not china not Dubai it's the graveyard. A lot people die full of their dreams, talent, skills, intelligent they never used it because they were scared to take the risk scared like you , you not in the graveyard yet! i do not regret when i stepped up and fail but i regret of not taking action at all. Do it now or forever hold your piece Make a decision today, the decision you made today it will decide tomorrow! When you alone, you held that flower in your hand, Arr what then? you get it and you believe with it. this physical world can become what ever we decides it could be. What we looking to change We must change ! The kingdom of god is within man not one man or a group of man, but in all man in you you ! the people have power!! Everything you need is in with me, you lively have it ! your imagination what does it look like what does it taste like? You are all man to shaped liked. Realize you are not part of the world but the world is of you, You are the creator of your life You not living to your potential in live you getting along with ! Just stop and think what is most important think about why you're here, you're here for a reason! Start to realize there's something in your life that was never ending, to truly satisfy yourself is to do what you loved to do! Have the courage in your hand to follow it through, But you gotta jump, When you find your why , you will find to make it happen ! What you realize is that you have greatness within you, but what you realize is you can begin to ever imagine we are all dying but are you dying to do? What is your true purpose on this earth? The Two important day in life is the day you are born and the day you learnt why